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Feb. 2nd, 2007 @ 09:22 am Adding a counter


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Okay, so I just realized that my calendar is now messed up. To add the counter, I backdated this entry into the future (we should probably think of a new word for that) and now my calendar will show February 2007 until... probably March 2007. But of course, I'd change the date on this entry once I got to that point, to keep this counter on the main page. Hmm, that sucks. So from here on out, you're not going to be able to just look at the calendar to see if I've made an entry. You'll have to, gasp, have to scroll down half an inch to see if that entry is new or not.

Can you handle it?
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Blue shirt
Dec. 27th, 2005 @ 01:07 pm Christmas in the City
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Red Blooded Woman
It's quite a remarkable thing. For such a bustling city, it completely dies down on December 25th. I looked out over the streets and saw that it was mine. Since the moment I set foot on the island (back in 2003) I felt at peace. I felt at home. I felt like I finally belonged somewhere.

And on Christmas Day, when the rest of the world was wrapped up with their presents and trees and home-cooked meals (don't worry, I had all three of those things also), I peered up and down the streets and saw such a magical scene.

And I believe what made it even more special was the night before, spending an hour up in Rockefeller Center. There were thousands of tourists milling around, snapping pictures of the famous tree, taking a couple spins around the ice rink, and staring up with amazement at the Saks 5th Avenue light show. It was just as magical as last year, when I saw it for the first time and cried tears of joy while thinking of my mother. It was just as meaningful as I turned my back to the lights and focused on the faces of the tourists. Smiles and gasps and pictures being taken... everyone felt the innocence of Christmas.

The juxtaposition of those two days spoke volumes to me.


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Dec. 21st, 2005 @ 03:29 pm The results
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Do You Hear What I Hear - Destiny's Child
So, I shouldn't feel bad, right? For the first time since I arrived at this company, I have "not passed" an exam. Notice I didn't say "failed." Because in the actuarial field, it is extremely difficult to pass an exam (and we have 9 of them to take), and with their "relative" pass mark and this arbitrary thought of "we're going to pass 40% of the people who take the exam", it's not really considered failing if you, well, fail. You just didn't pass this time, and you get to be one of the 60% of the people who will retake the exam next year.

So, I shouldn't feel bad. I passed four in a row: Exams 2, 3, 4, and 5. And now that I'm in the upper exams, it's almost expected that you'll take each one twice. Because if you go in as a first-timer, you're up against some very intelligent people, most of whom have already taken it once before. They've been studying the material for almost a year more than you, and they really want to pass.

So, I shouldn't feel bad. I'm 24 and I already have 5 exams under my belt. If I pass each of the next four exams, I'll be finished at 26. If I fail each one the first time, I'll be finished right before I turn 28. In a field where the average person finishes in his/her 30's (if not later, or if not at all).

So, I shouldn't feel bad, right?

Why do I?


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 11:58 am Lemony Snicket...
Current Mood: listless
Current Music: Lemony Snicket Soundtrack
...is an interesting phrase. Matt made me watch the movie and I loved it. Visually appealing, light fun. It didn't compare to the Harry Potter phenomona, but it was nice. Does that mean I need to start reading those books now also? I feel like I'm missing out on so many literary opportunities these past two years, because I've been focused on actuarial exams and materials. Perhaps one day soon, I'll be finished with them and will be able to get back into my reading/writing more consistently. By and by, the results come out either today or next week... eek.

I feel flustered. With work, with my social life, with my friends. I've never felt this way before. Everything in its place and my path wide open before me. Two weeks in Australia didn't calm me down, and being given three major projects (one of which is extremely high profile, dealing with AIG Insurance) has taken away the calm at work. Matt is getting ready to move out and I've been forced back into the frustration that is apartment hunting. It reaffirms, one more time, how amazing my luck was when I found my place. I never want to leave...

I have been getting extremely close to Neal. A little concerning, because he's too good of a guy to hurt. Why can't I just meet amazing men like him when they're single?

Christmas is coming up, and my aunt is visiting this weekend. She's never seen NYC at Christmas time. I don't believe she's seen NYC at any time, now that I think about it. She's going to make me miss my mom, and I know she is, and I'm frustrated because of that. Why does she keep having to ask "are you all right?" Why does everyone have to keep asking that? I always felt my mom's presence before she passed. It's no different now; I still feel it.

Can I think of a fifth random topic to discuss?

No


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Nov. 8th, 2005 @ 03:07 pm More attraction quirks
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Imagine That - Diamond Rio
Along with out-of-towners, straights, and "taken" men, I also really like left-handers. Don't ask me why, but whenever I see someone write with his left hand, I am immediately more attracted to him. Now, don't confuse that with "I'm immediately attracted to him." There are still some unattractive people that I won't be interested in ever... but if I find out they're left-handed, then my attraction grows a little.

But if someone's already hot? If someone already makes my pulse quicken? Hell, I am about ready to rip off his clothes if I notice him eating with his left hand, or writing me a check (um, I mean, a letter or a note) while using his left hand.

To prove this point, let us journey back to my two most recent dating escapades. Both were southpaws and both turned me on so much. And recently, I was watching an episode of Survivor and thought to myself "wow, that one's yummy." I watched him for the entire episode, fantasizing about being on a stranded island with him. Then, as the episode ended and the camera zoomed in on him writing down the name of the person he was voting off the island, I about passed out. Because he was left-handed. Literally, my pulse quickened, my skin flushed, and I immediately had crazy fun thoughts about him.

What is it about me and my attraction quirks???


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Nov. 4th, 2005 @ 01:31 pm Believe
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Kelly Osbourne - One Word
Can you believe the we only have 57 days left in this year?
Can you believe how fast it went, yet how much we've done?

Can you believe that I have met some incredible people in the past year, and plan on meeting more?
Can you believe I haven't fallen in love with any of them?

Can you believe that snow will soon be falling on our shoulders, coating the city in white?
Can you believe within a couple hours it'll turn brown? hehe

Can you believe that angels do watch over us, giving us gentle pushes in the right direction?
Can you believe some of us are angels in human bodies?

Can you believe in the power of optimism, and self-fulfilling prophecies?
Can you believe I have had a blessed life because of this optimism?

Can you believe you'll wake up tomorrow with the knowledge that you are amazing, just the way you are?
Can you believe you'll probably lose that thought by the time you make it to the bathroom?

Can you believe Kelly Osbourne actually says a song I enjoy?
Can you believe she'll probably never have another one? hehe

Can you believe that you'll fall in love, and find someone who makes your breath catch?
Can you believe that you've been that person for more people than you probably realize?

Can you believe how often we hide our true feelings because we're scared of something?
Can you believe some of us don't have fear, but only because we stopped thinking about it?

Can you believe in yourself?

Can you believe?

Can you?


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Oct. 27th, 2005 @ 02:48 pm Secret
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Plenty - Sarah McLachlan
I think I'm wired to be interested in men I can't have. I know this curse has to have a deeper meaning, but I just can't figure it out. Why am I so attracted to straight men? How is it possible that I consistently meet awesome guys who are already in a relationship? Why do I tend to find the one or two men who are "just visiting" the city before heading back to whatever different city they're from?

And those are only three of my curses. Luckily they've been fairly tame and haven't gotten me in any trouble. I've never hit on a straight man who didn't enjoy it. I've never broken up a relationship (yet). And I can handle crushing on guys who live in Chicago or Florida and not get my heart broken.

But it's still a problem. I am a monogamous person. I am one of those guys that wants a relationship. Yet it seems like everyone put in front of me is someone I can't have. Or perhaps I'm only noticing the ones I can't have. God knows I rarely see a single gay man who lives in New York City that captivates me. Am I turning a blind eye to those men because I truly don't want a relationship? Am I not dating them because I'm setting my standards too high?

Or is it all to obvious why I crush on the guys I crush on? Lets break it down...

Straight men: Very easy - I love masculinity. I love muscles. I love someone who looks good in t-shirt and jeans, has a carefree attitude about him, and isn't afraid to just be a man. I'm not saying gay men can't do this, but I have to admit that straight men just do it so much more often.

Taken men: Also easy - If they're taken, that means they must have something good about them. Someone's so into them that they're in a relationship and are most likely "the cream of the crop." Of course, there are those guys who aren't very good who are still in relationships, but I'm not attracted to every guy who's taken... just a lot of them. {evil grin}

And as for out-of-towners: I think one of my big problems is finding the best in everyone, or not noticing the negatives. If I meet someone while I'm down in Florida for a weekend, or dance with someone who's visiting NYC for a couple of days, then I have a very limited amount of time to truly find out who they are. And we all know the first couple days of meeting someone is awesome, because you're both on your best behavior and you have stars in your eyes. So when Mr. Chicago leaves after his weekend, I've yet to find anything bad about him (other than the fact that he doesn't live in the city) and so I think he's an awesome guy that I could date. Of course, if he lived in nyc, then I'd probably spend another week or two around him and find out he's just not doing it for me, the same as any guy I meet who does live here.

The problem, I think, is that I'm just not focusing on what I can have. I only focus on those I can't. I am trying to break myself of this slowly... when I hear someone tell me he lives in Phoenix and "is just visiting," I smile, thank him, and slowly leave the conversation. When I know that hot guy walking down the street holding hands with his girlfriend is straight, then I try to turn my head and not give him attention, instead focusing on the obviously gay man who's walking in front of me. And when I find someone who's already in a relationship... well that one still needs work. Because, unfortunately, I still can't stop myself from falling for him.


~X_Ception

ps - exam is in 6 days and sydney is in 15. holy shit.
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Blue shirt
Oct. 11th, 2005 @ 12:24 pm Secret
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Don't Chat - Pussycat Dolls
I love the Pussycat Dolls single, "Don't Cha."

And I'm not ashamed of it, especially after I found one of the best remixes ever, which ties in "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" and some random techno/robot beats. It's so incredibly fun.

And in every jump rope class for the past month, Gerard has played it near the end, when our hearts are ready to burst and our legs can't handle another minute of jumping... and I'm suddenly energized. My head starts bouncing, my face breaks into a wide smile (you all know the one), and I can't help but sing along.

Of course, the PCD's themselves suck. Their dancing is miniscule, and I haven't figured out what the other 4 (or is it 5) members of the group do. The lead is smokin', and she sings everything and kicks a chair in the video which makes me cream every time I see it... yet they aren't good.

So why is the song so catchy?

I don't know, but I'm not ashamed to say I love it.


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Sep. 29th, 2005 @ 09:28 am Once again
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: He Lives In You - Lion King Soundtrack
I've decided I am incredibly lucky at finding amazing guys. The ones who make my heart beat a little faster. The ones who know how to make me smile. The ones who can fill my head with dreams of kids and a house and early retirement and tons of travel.

The ones who are taken.

Yes, once again, my curse has struck. At least he's gorgeous. And very serious about his relationship. I swear, if I like them (and if they aren't straight), then they're already snatched up. Now while this could frustrate me, I actually look at the bright side of the situation (imagine that).

I could easily fall for losers. I could slide into relationships that are meaningless or that don't fit me. I could spend my time at bars and hook-up with immature guys who have no drive or desire in life - other than to get laid, meet the next "hot boy," and see how many cosmos they can consume in a night.

Yeah, not my thing.

I look around my group of friends and am amazed at how some of them constantly find someone to fill the role of Plus One (sorry Van, I had to steal it, because it's such a good nickname). No matter how many men they go through, there is always someone new to date. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like...

But then I wake up. And I know that I'm still on the right path. I'm finding the people I want in my life, and I'm meeting the ones that are right for me (but just not actually 'for' me). They're already taken because they're such amazing people. Yet by being taken, they're showing me what I want, what I deserve, and what I can expect in the future.

And someday (soon hopefully) I will run across another one and he won't be taken. Because he'll be ready to be taken by me.


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Sep. 23rd, 2005 @ 01:50 pm Do subway systems confuse you?
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: We Built This City - Jefferson Starship
Finally, the east cost has gotten with the times.

http://www.hopstop.com

This lovely, little site helps you to travel through New York, Boston and DC. No longer do you have to look over your tiny pocket map and try to find out which lines go to which streets. Just plug in where you want to go and you'll get a direct route from A to B.

Finally...


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Sep. 12th, 2005 @ 04:02 pm Being yourself
Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: Listen To Your Heart - DHT
Why is it so hard for men to be themselves? I understand that there is this connotation attached to the masculine form. My father, for example, can not seem to express any true emotion. I don't recall if I've ever seen him cry, even after he fell on the beach while parasailing and broke his back.

You would think with the rise of the metrosexual and the acceptance of people's differences, men would realize they can start expressing who they are. You would think with the years of living in the closet, gay men would be dying to throw off all preconceived notions and just be. But no, that would be too easy.

I love dating. I love men. I love relationships. I think they're integral to our psyche and I think everyone thrives a little more when they're in a good one. Yet finding a good one is increasing difficult in this day and age because everyone feels the need to "impress." No one seems to understand that I don't want to see your best side. I want to see all of the sides. I don't want to go through 4 dates with you and not realize that you actually hate the way I dress, or that my arrogant attitude really frustrates you.

Are men so desperate to be touched by someone that they will only put on their best face, to make sure I stay around a little while longer? Do they think it's any easier to stop seeing someone after a month than it would be after a week?

I put myself out there, every minute of every day. People who come into my life know exactly what I think and who I am. Yes, it might take time to truly grasp it, because we are so multi-faceted. But when I'm hanging around a new man or going on a first (or second, or third) date, I don't hide. I let it all out there, because I want him to see me, to know me. I want to stare into his eyes and realize that I love how his right cheek dimples, or how his hand trailing on my arm makes me shiver. I want to be comfortable with someone, knowing that I am not hiding anything and that he's being completely open also.

Now I obsess. A lot. Too much. About everything. We all know this, but I don't think we all understand how sad it makes me that I feel so unusual in this world. People laugh at me because I'm a kid. People roll their eyes when I put my foot in my mouth by saying something off the top of my head. Friends just smirk and go "yeah, that's Matt, there is no explaining him." And I love it. Why can't more people understand how liberating it is to just be free? To just be themselves?

I'm sure this is coming off as a bitch session, but it's really not meant to. I'm seriously curious, and can't seem to understand men at the moment...


matt
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Blue shirt
Aug. 18th, 2005 @ 01:09 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Time - Hootie and the Blowfish
Summer is coming to a close. The middle of August is upon us and we all know how quickly the leaves start changing colors in the fall. I seem to have lost my voice, which is why I've been hiding for awhile. Perhaps it's not the voice that's gone, but the inspiration for stories. Nothing comes to mind when I sit down to type, because my life has turned into a mixed up bag of work, studying, the gym, listening to the drama of my friends, and sleep.

I haven't taken an awesome trip since the beginning of June. Luckily I'm heading back to Kansas next weekend for Chelsea's wedding. It will be entirely too weird to see her walk down the aisle in her dress, but it's something I will do with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye. I'm just glad that I'm an usher, and will get sit down while she's saying her vows. If I had to stand up next to her and see her face, I would burst into tears myself I think. She'll be so beautiful...

What is it about the east cost, or big cities in general, that pushes back the age of marriage? In the midwest, something is wrong if you're not married by 25 or so. I've noticed in New York, it's very common for mid-30's to get married, or even all the way up to the 40's.

Do midwesterners fall in love that much faster than us? Or do we in the big cities realize the sheer number of fish in the sea, and realize it's that much harder to fight the right one? Do they settle and compromise, or do we become too independent to marry?

I want a wedding. I want a beautiful joining of two souls, in which I can take his hands in mine and say "I love you and promise to fight for us through all the dark times ahead. I choose to be with YOU." And I want that now. Or perhaps I should say, it wouldn't bother me or scare me if it happened now. Does that make me a midwesterner still (as I'm beginning to find myself fluttering between using both of the labels)?


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Aug. 12th, 2005 @ 01:46 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Fear (Sarah McLachlan) - UPenn
Yesterday was the 7-year anniversary of my first sexual experience. Which means it has been over 7 years since I came out to another person for the first time. How is it that I remember the date of my first experience, but not my first coming out? I know it was the end of June sometime, yet I can't remember the exact day. Perhaps from here on out I'll just say Pride weekend is my anniversary.

It's wild to think that I've been out long enough to not really remember what it's like to be in the closet. Sure, I remember high school and middle school, so I can reflect on what it was like to walk through the hallways and hold my tongue when I saw a cute boy. But I don't truly remember what my life was like. It almost feels like a dream. Now all I know is being completely free. Unafraid to say hi to an attractive stranger walking down the sidewalk, or renting a gay movie with no shame, or even kissing a man in public.

This is how I know we will be all right. Even with all of the crazy fanatics in this world, we are slowly and surely getting what we deserve. Kids are coming out at a much younger age than my 17... And I find it increasingly difficult to find someone who doesn't have a gay friend or know someone who is gay. Acceptance is definitely all around us, and with each year we grow more comfortable with who we are. Soon, all of this struggle and turmoil and hate will feel just like our high school years... a dream.


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Aug. 4th, 2005 @ 12:40 pm Str8
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
I need to get over this straight fetish I have.

What's the best way? To find a hot straight man and somehow seduce him? Or to sleep with every attractive gay man I find to convince myself that Str8 isn't always Great? hmmm


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Jul. 15th, 2005 @ 10:57 am No jinx
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: If You Could Read My Mind - Amber
Not talking about him helped, I think. Because in the past two weeks, I've grown incredibly comfortable around a certain someone. Of course, it helps that I was comfortable around him from the first date, but it's one of those situations where I find myself ready to stop looking around.

We met in my least favorite way, but it's slowly dawning on me that it is MY problem with the internet that's causing the uneasiness... not anyone else's. All of my friends give me the "so what" look when I mention that we met online. But I'm still not used to it. All of my history crushes down on me and I remember the freaks and the liars and the jailbirds (although, actually, we met at a club, so I shouldn't include him). Regardless, I've always felt uncomfortable with internet meeting and it wasn't until I moved to the city that I realized it's an acceptable and sometimes preferred method of meeting men.

So, hello, my name is Matt and I met a guy on the internet. {straightens my back and stands proud}

Whatever...

He's a keeper and I love how he keeps saying "are you sure you don't mind me staying over? I don't want to wear out my welcome." Well, perhaps I don't love how he says it, because it implies that he is still worrying too much about doing something "wrong." :-) But I like him. A lot. And every day I wake up next to him (and no, it hasn't been THAT many days), I feel like we've been doing it our entire lives. And you know what? There's absolutely no negative connotation in that statement. I like the fact that we click so much, that it feels like we've had past lives together, that two weeks feels like two years. I don't believe I'll be one of those men that wakes up after 5 years together and goes "damn I'm bored, I want to feel what it's like to wake up to someone else." I appreciate the fact that our legs entwine, and that he rubs his nose on mine before we fall asleep, and that I wake up before him and just listen to him breathe (even though it's very shallow, like mine).

I've stopped trying to find a reason why this happened. I don't care if my mother pushed him towards me right before the anniversary. I don't care if it's because I'm blessed and good things happen to me. I don't care if it's because I got over my fear and actually met someone from the 'net. I just... don't care. Because I'm happy. And because it happens when it happens - regardless of if there's a great reason or purpose to it all.


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Jul. 7th, 2005 @ 10:31 am Time
Current Mood: ditzy
Current Music: Powerless - Nelly Furtado
Surprisingly, I find myself staring at the computer with nothing to do. After weeks of working like a busy-bee, putting together filings and IRR models and everything else I do here, I realize that I'm caught up. And nothing needs to be done right this very moment. Except this entry. Because it's been too long.

Pride was amazing. I met two new friends who I hope to keep around. They live in Denver, though, and so seeing them might be difficult. I do love the mountains though, and they do love to take vacations. :-)

I didn't find my boyfriend though, like I was hoping. It turns out he might have arrived two weeks too late. Or perhaps he arrived just on time, when I needed him. But there will be no jinxing of this possible relationship, so I will let a little more time pass before I make any serious decisions.

Study season starts either tonight or tomorrow, whenever I get the materials. I'm not looking forward to it as much as I have in the past, but I am more driven to pass this exam than any of the others. I'm on the downhill slide, and I know that I can do this, and now it's almost a challenge to see if I can do it without failing another exam. And I'm happy to acknowledge that money has nothing to do with it. You see, I was worried that I was only pushing these exams to get my raises. But I believe the pride of finishing them has taken over, and now the money is way in the back. Perhaps it's because I'm comfortable with where I am.

I've stopped talking about people, and I feel much better. Not all of my friends like each other, and they aren't supposed to. But I like all of my friends, and they don't deserve to be bashed in front of me.

I still hate the phone though...

And this entry is random and erratic. Much like my life this past few months.

Harry Potter comes out in 9 days, and my mother's anniversary is in 2 weeks. I'll be sad, and I'm tempted to take the day off work. I just might have to.


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Jun. 28th, 2005 @ 12:03 pm Rest
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Crash soundtrack
Pride is finally over. Although it was spectacular and the best Pride I've ever attended, I'm glad it's almost July. June was a beast (as it normally is) and I feel pleasantly exhausted. One of those fatigues were you know you've accomplished so much, but you're still so happy to be able to finally rest.

I'm sad that I didn't find a boyfriend this weekend, but I honestly wasn't expecting to. I did have an amazing time with new friends and old friends, attending an HK party on Friday, the annual Roxy Pride on Saturday, and the entire festival on Sunday, before capping it all off with fireworks over the city. I had a smile on my face almost the entire time and I know that I'll remember this one for awhile.

Thank you Brian and Michael, for giving me more optimism (like I need anymore).

Thank you David and Josh for throwing an excellent party and letting me be your houseboy. Or should I say, making me be your houseboy.

Thank you Matt Leiker for making me cry. Again. And again.

Thank you Ryan for actually smiling and having a good time at the parade this year. I'm glad you spoke to the couple.

Thank you Mr. Weatherman (no, not Mike) for giving us gorgeous weather to have a picnic out in the park and an awesome parade down 5th Ave. To each of you who came to said picnic, another thank you.

Thank you Casualty Actuary Society for pulling a miracle and getting out the results before Pride which let me be in a festive mood instead of a depressed one.

And thank you everyone for just being who you are. I'm very happy with who I am now, and where I am, and where I'm going, so I hope you are also.


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Jun. 24th, 2005 @ 12:13 pm The exam
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Last Beautiful Girl - Matchbox 20
My boss walked out of his office yesterday afternoon and said "I have some good news and some bad news." He proceeded to let us know that two of our co-workers were now Associates. This is the first milestone in becoming an actuary. Or perhaps the second (passing your first exam is a huge milestone for some). To become an Associate you have to pass the first 7 exams and to become a Fellow you have to pass all 9. There is no difference between what an Associate can do and what a Fellow can do. Yet we're ranked the #1 job in the nation, once again.

The bad news? "The rest of the results are out also." And he ran away. Coward.

My heart started pounding because the results weren't supposed to come out until the first week of July. I opened the webpage and started scanning down the row for my number. 845... skip forward... 1001... not far enough... 1149... god damn it, the end of the column is coming up... 1239. End column. Fuck. My number is 1241, I failed. Finally. A brief wave of relief crashed over me before I realized there was another column to the right. So I scrolled up the entire page, and although it only took a second it felt like a day. And at the very top of the page, sitting up there with a little smile on it's face, was 1241. I hated the smirk it gave me, but I couldn't stop myself from grinning either.

5 down, 4 left. I'm only 24. What the fuck is wrong with me?


~X_Ception
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Blue shirt
Jun. 19th, 2005 @ 08:30 pm Birthday
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Ice Cream - Sarah McLachlan
So I can't believe that I haven't updated, but from the moment I got off the plane from Orlando, I've been crazy busy with work and my social life. :-) Not that that's an excuse, but it works for me.

Gay Days was spectacular. Absolutely smashing and ten times better than last year. Next year??? Ten time better than this year, is my prediction.

I had a blast Thursday night at Mannequin's, just like I figured. I have never been on a spinning dance floor and I have to admit it was smooth. The boys were awesome, and the freezing CO-2 spray was something I'd never experienced (if that's what it was). The most surprising part of the night? Running into Gary Jr... and then realizing that he was Brett's first boyfriend... and then realizing that he remembered me... and then realizing that he was disappointed we never did anything last year.

The Betas (Gamma Delta Beta, which stands for Gay Days Boys, which is Scott Petty's group that I mentioned in the last post) made the club a lot of fun. Spending time with them made me smile. And yes, I officially started Gay Days off by hitting on a guy that didn't want me. I thought he did, especially since he couldn't take his eyes off of me whenever I glanced at him, and his friends kept pointing at me. And the worst part is that it took me 2 hours to figure this out, and the rest of the weekend to get over the crush that I'd developed in such a short time.

Friday rained like a bitch and we ended up spending the entire day in the hotel. Unfortunately we didn't know where anyone's room was, because we hadn't really met anyone yet, so I just ended up hanging out with Rob from DC for a bit, before venturing down to the pool in the drizzle. This is when I noticed an extremely sexy man standing off the side that looked a lot like Mike Fries. I smiled at him and he smiled back and we made our introductions as the rain started coming down harder. The DJ must not have been as good as last year, because he didn't play "Here Comes the Rain Again," which I thought was the best use of any song last summer.

We made plans to meet up at Typhoon Lagoon and luckily I felt an electric spark between us. The weather turned around for the park and even though the water was a little chilly, the night was a success. My geometric-shaped swimsuit was a smash and I received so many more looks that ever before. Is it the confidence that I exuded? The defined little body? The smile? I haven't a clue, and I really don't care to know. What I do know is that I spent most of the night looking for Mike (and not finding him) and ended up sliding with my friend Andrew from Orlando most of the time. We were the only two who were brave enough to endure the chill. :-)

And can I just say that my mouth is a lot more loose when I'm having a blast like I was that night? I wasn't afraid to say anything to anybody... and although that can sometimes get you in trouble, it was working for me that night.

And as the last hour drifted toward us, I figured I was out of luck in my search for Mike. Only to turn my head and notice him off to the side. I immediately went over to him and we made our way to the Lazy River. And yes, my tube "accidentally" got locked with his, just like I'd hoped it would.

I spent most of Saturday by the pool, trying to stay out of the constant drizzle, and then made my way to MGM for the Saturday night party. The Tower of Terror was HOT this year, and I yelped a little as we plunged down a couple stories. I have to admit that the roller coaster wasn't as crazy as I remembered it last year. I guess Dueling Dragons and The Hulk has raised the bar for me. No flirting that night, as Mike didn't come to the party and I didn't cross paths with anyone else I was interested in. I spent most of the night with Andrew from Atlanta (yes, a different Andrew) and it was really good to be with him.

Sunday was the best day, just as it was last year. The pool was crowded from the moment it opened until the end of the evening. Sun and heat and hot men made for an enjoyable time, and I spent many hours in the pool with Mike, all the Betas, Gary Jr, and many of Brett's friends.

The final night was spent at the Hard Rock theatre and there were definitely amazing shows. I almost wish this was the first party though, since it's my least favorite. I would have liked to end on a much higher note, but I suppose that's what the plane ride home was for. Since I spent most of the time with Ashley and that's always a great way to end a fun weekend...

More on everything else later. I'm going to eat pie now.


matt
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Blue shirt
Jun. 1st, 2005 @ 02:27 pm Gay Days dream
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Hotel Paper - Michelle Branch
Since I'm leaving for my 2nd annual Gay Days in about 16 hours, I thought it would be a nice fortune-telling exercise to try to predict what will happen this weekend.

I ran into Scott Petty on the Path yesterday and we realized his group (consisting of 13) and my group (consisting of 2) are on the same flight... there and back. I love hanging out with the NY Crew - they definitely made Gay Days an adventure last year. It'll be nice to hang out with them on the plane and at the airport.

Landing on time, in beautiful 85 degree weather, I'm going to be so excited to see Jason. It's been months and that's just too long for us. He's going to be much bigger than me, since he's been working and I've been... abs-ing. But I'll look better in the swimsuit and that's all that matters. Since I bought two of them this weekend. And since one has geometric shapes on it. Very fitting for a math major, right?

Checking into the Wyndham has to be one of my favorite things to do. Walking through the halls and noticing that every... single... person... is gay, is quite a trip. And then when the random straight family from Arkansas steps out of the elevator, you can't help but laugh at the shocked expressions. The father quickly grabing his daughter's hand and pulling his son tighter to him as the fags flock around the hotel in skimpy swimsuits and boas and 4 Louis V bags each... it's too much for those types of families.

But then you also get the great families, the ones from Arizona and California, and perhaps even Illinois if they live close enough to Chi-town. They see us descend on the hotel and they smile. They give us room to be ourselves and deep in their hearts they wish they could do the same. How many straight people go to Orlando for a weekend simply to drink themselves silly, hang out at a pool party every day, dance to amazing DJ's, experience the parks after they close in the evenings, and just be a kid? Very few, and those that do are ravers who lose their touch after 25.

Thursday night we'll hit Mannequin's, which I've never experienced. Brett tells me that it's THE place to be on Thursday's and most of the guys who work at Disney or the surrounding parks go there. I imagine I'll run into Mike Fries while I'm there, and wouldn't it be hilarious if I finally crossed paths with Eric Haag? I wonder what he looks like, 3 years later. Will I still have a serious crush on him? Or will I finally see that he's no different (meaning no better and no worse) than anyone else in my life?

Friday there is a 60% chance of rain, but I'm begging you, please God, do not let it downpour. Islands of Adventure is one of my favorite parks and I really want to spend a great day there in the sun. But hear me now, even if you do make it rain, I will be there through it all, soaking wet and smiling like a goof.

Which reminds me, I'm not going to smile quite so wide from now on. I caught myself in the mirrors at the gym yesterday and I realized I kind of look like a hyena. If I keep it to a basic smile (which to everyone else is a big smile) then I look fine. But my big smiles are sometimes just too big.

But I digress. Friday night I will put on my new mathematical suit and drive over to Typhoon Lagoon. The first ride I want to experience is the speed tube. I love the rush I get when my stomach slams up into my throat as I fly down that steep decline. Plus, this will get me drenched and let my cute little dimples show in my suit. :-)

At this point I'm going to just go wild - I'll lounge in the lazy river (but this time I'll "accidentally" get my tube locked up with a hot guy's - I'll play in the wave pool and learn how to body surf, for real this time - I'll dance my ass off to Brett Henrichsen (who is the most gorgeous DJ on the circuit) and I WILL introduce myself and flirt with him. Mark my words, and notice both the bold and the capital letters in that statement. This is truly my one wish for this weekend.

Saturday I'm going to head down to the pool and capture a recliner so Jason and I can lounge while Brett flirts with every boy in the hotel. I'll flirt too, but as we all know, I have a tendency to find the ones that don't really like me. :-) Or live out of town, of course.

MGM will be smokin' when we walk in. Two DJ's this year, with all the main rides open. I'll rip my shirt off from the beginning, instead of halfway through like I did last year. Goddamn it, I have abs and I might as well show them off. Besides, it gets quite warm in those crowds. hehe

This is where I'll do the most damage, I predict. Rock 'N Rollercoaster, the House of Terror (or whatever it's called) and just walking through the streets. I'll see people passed out on the benches, and little queens waving glowsticks through the air. I'll see muscle daddy's in leather and trannies in bras. I'll see thousands of happy gay men, waving their hands in the air as they dance under the stars. And at the end of it all, I'll see an amazing fireworks show. The biggest Gay Days has ever had.

And I will cuddle up with someone that night. :-P

Sunday morning will be more exhausting. The pool party will be more fun, though, because Sunday parties always are. Last year we had squishy Nerf balls that brought about a big pool fight. The hotties versus the hotties. It was smashing. And that's when I met both Gary Jr and Andrew. I wonder if Gary will be back this year? He stopped returning my calls and e-mails, so I doubt he'll even talk to me if we cross paths. Disappointing too, since he was gorgeous and I would have loved a chance to kiss his lips...

But it won't matter this year, because I'll be spending all day Sunday with my new beau. His name? {shrugs} Hopefully something sexy, like Colin or Alex or one of those that have always struck a chord in my heart. Most likely??? Bob, or Wayne, or George. Names my grandfather's friends have.

Sunday night I will stay out until the end of the party. I will not miss the incredible closing show that had everyone talking, and me wincing. I can't truly believe that my feet hurt enough that I had to leave before the end. Mark my words, it won't happen again this year.

And on Monday morning we'll head back to the airport to say goodbye to Jason at his gate before making our way to our gate to hang out with the NY Crew once again. How wild can we make the flight home? Oh I'm sure we can think of plenty to do by then. Unless, of course, we've all passed out for much needed sleep.


~X_Ception

ps - i will not be molested in the pool again this year... unless it's agreed upon in advance, in which case it's not really molestation, is it?
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